Its realy hard to pick up the pieces. After what happened. hah. Well its not that someone else broke it on purpose. Its me, i had to break it myself. Or else, i would be breaking someone’s promise.

Yup, what an irony. I am bringing up the pieces of my own heart. And who broke it? Me.

"Hah i know, i am picking up the pieces yeah. I thought you said you wouldn’t want to let yourself get crazy? Wellll, after all those nights. You didn’t even try to actually forgive yourself?"

The answer is no. Sometimes i think i did. And then the next, "No….. Ervin why did you have become such an idiot?"

Sometimes i reallllyy reeeaaalllyy do wonder. Wonder if God actually planned this for me already. (I think so) Even though i know that this happened actually for a good reason, sometimes i can’t even seeemm to even get close to the answer why.

And all i can do now is just surrender myself to him now. Thats all i have to do, because "i am really weak. I just feel sooo tired, i wanna rest, i don’t care about it anymore. Allllllllllll i want to do now is surrender to you lord." And rest in your arms.

Welll.. he loves everyone of us, there is not a single person on Earth he doesn’t love.

And i am sure that even though no matter how hard and steep the road ahead is. He’d be with you forever. Even if you’d fall a thousand times. And he won’t fail to woo you back to him if you ever get sidetrack. :D

And next time, i guess i should learn to open up my heart for his love when i am sad or even frustrated. i’d admit, i am not feeling that good these days but. Hey :), cheer up. In every despair, theres always a good reason behind it. So, cheer up :D He loves you. :)

With a broken heart,
Ervin Oktariadi